Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Evaluating Intercultural Behaviour (Post #5)
It is about a year ago and I am in an NUS project group consisting of Indian, Burmese and Singaporean students. We are meeting to discuss ideas for our engineering project. In the midst of an engaging discussion, I suddenly find my train of thought derailed as I am speaking. An Indian group member is verbally agreeing with what I am saying (by saying "yes", "okay" etc.), yet she is shaking her head. This incongruity between speech and action leaves me feeling confused.
Unsure of what to make of her odd behaviour, I get straight to the point and ask her if she disagrees with what I am saying. Her eyes grow large and her expression reveals surprise as she denies that she disagrees with me. I follow up by asking her why she was shaking her head in disagreement while I was speaking. Her eyes widen to the extent that I fear they will pop out of their sockets and she vehemently denies that she was shaking her head in disagreement. The atmosphere is tense as the rest of the group observes our exchange silently.
To break the uneasy silence and to better explain my stand, I begin to mimic the head shaking movement that she did. My manoeuvre is successful, but not in the way I expect as some group members spontaneously burst out laughing after that. My confusion reaches a climax at this point. After the laughter dies down, another Indian group member offers an explanation: in the Indian culture, head movements are used to show that someone is listening actively.
In hindsight, based on my limited knowledge of a different culture, I should not have jumped to the conclusion that my group member was disagreeing with me. The misunderstanding would have been resolved sooner if I had not applied my cultural bias to the situation and had just asked her plainly why she was shaking her head. This is a lesson that I can apply as I encounter people from different cultures in my life journey.
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Hi Wen Jun,
ReplyDeleteReading your post, I am reminded of the short sketches we had for our lesson on proper body language. Yes, the body language must have been really misleading. When I first read your post, I imagined the head shaking as the one which we normally use to say "no". Having many Indian friends back in Malaysia, I really couldn't remember my Indian friends shaking their heads when they are agreeing. But it dawned on me that the head shaking you meant was not the one in which you turn your head from side to side, but one which you sort of tilt (not sure if this verb is correct) your head from side to side. Am I correct?
I think you handled her "vehement" disagreement well by keeping your cool. Did she not feel affronted when you mimicked her head movement, like you were poking fun at her (I don't mean you intended to)? Just curious though.
In the third paragraph, second line, should it be "did"? Hope you can clarify!
Wan Wei, I think the shaking is like doing warm-up exercise for the head/neck. Tilt to the left and right in a fast manner.
ReplyDeleteWen Jun, i think you are a guy who goes for details. If i were in your shoes, i wouldn't have read much into the indian girl's non-verbal actions. I would have just taken her words for it.
If i were you, i would have said asked her more for her opinions and observe if it was my eyes that were playing tricks on me. Alternatively, i would ask my other project mates on their opinions on the Indian girl's contradicting actions.
It may seem okay to ask directly and clear the doubt you have, but the Indian girl might take the intention negatively. Especially when the other group members were laughing about the issue, she might feel uncomfortable? Fortunately, there was another Indian member who explained the matter clearly. I think it helped end the awkward situation?
I have had friends encountering the same issue. the Indian culture is rather unique. I heard about some Indian guys holding hands in public and some of my friends were shocked about it. There's alot to learn when it comes to cultural understanding. It's good that you are embracing the differences with a learning attitude!
Hi ladies,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments! Really appreciate that you took the time to do so.
The head shaking my Indian group member exhibited was indeed the head shaking you associate with "no", rather than the side to side tilting I think both of you are imagining. Albeit it was a very rapid movement, hence I may have missed any subtle sideways tilting movement.
Wan Wei,
I never considered that I would have offended my group member by imitating her actions. And she never did tell me that she was offended, so we shall never know for sure. Thanks for pointing out that possibility though, since I am too thick headed to figure out these things on my own.
For the third paragraph, the "did" is intended. That is because it was a one-off action from her. If she continued performing such an ambiguous head shaking action up till now, I would have used the present tense "does" instead.
Hi Wen Jun,
ReplyDeleteI think this situation was something i encountered when i was younger too. In my case, i went to enquire with my other friends with regards to the head shaking and was offered the explanation. So thankfully i didn't get into any misunderstanding.
I feel this situation reflects one of the more common culutral communication issues we tend to have in Singapore. Again, it boils down to effective communication and i think your project mate should have taken the comment in her stride and explained it to you calmly. Based on the effective communication strategies we have discussed in the earlier part of the semester, her non verbal cues seemed to have gotten you confused about the situation.
I suppose the best we can do in a multi-racial society like Singapore is to keep a level head and communicate amiably and efficiently the ideas to each other whenever a situation such as this arises.
rgds,
aldrich
Hi Aldrich,
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, I think my project mate must have been shocked by my unexpected accusation (looking back without rose tinted glasses, that's basically what it was). But thanks for your vindication. I suppose the awkward situation arose partly because she reacted in that way.
Thank you! I appreciate that you took the time to read and comment.
Hi Wen Jun! My goodness, after reading your story, I actually broke out in laughter! I know I shouldn’t be laughing at such issues, but then it actually reminds me of a few Indian PhD mentors that will also shake their heads in agreement whenever my Principal Investigator or even I speak to them. I have to say that you are indeed an engineer in heart, a meticulous guy who will pay close attention to the fine details. I will not entirely say that you are in the blame, just that miscommunication (in a nonverbal manner) has taken place and the Indian girl herself might not have realized either.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as mentioned by Aldrich, keeping a level head and communicate efficiently is the thing we have to do, especially in a multi-racial country like Singapore. I am quite positively sure that the Indian girl might be hurt by your imitation of her contradicting head movements and agreements. However, I am a little puzzled why the other Indian group member never steps out and protect the Indian girl when you have asked her for shaking her head in disagreement to what you have said.
As for the post layout, the paragraphs are coherent, the language used is fine and I can easily understand what you want to convey to the readers. On a personal point of view, I like your story very much. Good job!
Regards,
Ivan
Yes indeed, it's all in the nonverbals, or so we hear. Your scenario shows how true that is and also, how you were oblivious to the true message that was being sent to you. But that was a good learning experience, I trust.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you use the historical present in this description, Wen Jun. Thank you for sharing this story with us and for experimenting successfully with that form.