Some Advice To Give On How To Be Insensitive (Post #1)

Communication skills have long been something I have neglected in my everyday life. It was some time ago, when I started wooing a girl, that I realised how important being able to effectively communicate my thoughts and feelings were.

Without going into too much detail, the situation was like this: she asked me what I felt about her looks while we were conversing via instant messaging. I, being insensitive, naive and honest, gave her my most objective opinion. Even though I was extremely attracted to her and had eyes for no other girl, I simply told her that she scored a “B” grade based on my female grading system (don't ask!). Big mistake.

The meaning I intended to convey was, “I find you pleasant looking and I am attracted to you, not so much because of how you look, but rather because of who you are.” Unfortunately, it never occurred to me that my intended message was incompletely transmitted, since she never asked for clarification at the time.

A few weeks later, I learnt from her what went through her mind upon hearing the message. It was along the lines of, “This guy has a grading system. I will have to work hard on my looks to stay attractive in his eyes. That seems very tiring. I just want to be myself.” At last, she finally gave feedback to my original message and this allowed me to address the misunderstanding. How the relationship progressed between the girl and I is a story for another time.

Looking back, it was this episode that helped me realise how difficult communicating effectively is, since it requires both parties in a conversation to play their part. To sum up, effective communication skills are important to me as I can improve my interpersonal relationships, be it at the workplace or in my personal life, by reducing misunderstandings.